Hate to Love and Pain to Heal
by H3r aws0m3ness
Summary: "Do you feel any different?" he asked tilting his head in concern. "Yeah," I replied, "because pain isn't here. It's here but not here." "Then we're somewhat improving." SabastianxOC
1. CHARACTER PROFILE!

Hello world! And everyone in it! This is a character profile/information list on the story you have chosen to read! So read and enjoy!

CHARACTER PROFILE:

NAME: Hudson Kinstly

ETHNICITY: British

HEIGHT: 5'3

AGE: 19

DOB: January 1

APPEARANCE: Raven black hair, slender petite frame, dark grey eyes, and pale skin.

First chapter is coming up. This is just for you to get an idea of what the character looks and sounds like because I'm too lazy to draw a picture of the main character. So enjoy your life with the baby unicorns and rainbows while I whip up the next chapter for you.

THX

Love, ZanRan


	2. CHAPTER 1: A Whole Old World

CHAPTER 1: A WHOLE OLD WORLD

* * *

I hurt everywhere, all the time, everyday.

Whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, pain is always there.

It's a hurtful friend of sorts, but it keeps me company.

My parents are the main factor in the cause of my pain. To them I am nothing but insignificant and worthless. They never felt the pain they give me. They used to love me, of course all parents do, but eventually they grew tired of me.

I've always thought of leaving, but I'm too gutless to do it. I used to pretend I was a hidden princess and that a prince would save me from this horrid, beastly hell. But as I sat waiting in my tiny little attic, no prince ever came and I was left with disappointment and a shattered heart.

* * *

The scream of my devil of a father brought me downstairs. His bitch of a wife at his side. There was never a dull moment when those two stuck together like glue.

"Take your damn supplements you greedy vegetarian brat!" I wiped the excess spit off my face, ant took the supplements he shoved at me. I carefully chewed until it turned dust and left a bitter taste in my mouth as it made its way into my digestive system.

"Hmph. Looks like I forgot to order dinner. Go make dinner you little shit!" yelled my mother. I swiftly ran to the kitchen to prepare the food. I was used to this. My mother had no cooking skills whatsoever, so she uses me. When we have parties or when guests decide to visit, she doesn't call a caterer, she calls me.

I finished the noodles and started warming the sauce. I went to set the table and poured the wine. I set the spaghetti on the table as they sat down to eat.

My mouth watered at the warm steaming pasta that I couldn't have. They wouldn't let me. I already ate my supplements.

My mother took a slow bite of her food. "What kind of crap is this!" she yelled. I slowly backed away. She swiftly grabbed the wine glass and smashed it against my unsuspecting head. She kicked me as the impact of the glass knocked me to the floor.

Her screech of a laugh filled my ears giving me a headache. Her studded two inch heels dug into my ribs until all I could hear was the sickening crack of every rib breaking. I'm used to this. Pain for me is normal.

"Now get out of my sight you bloody little shit hole!" She ran her high heel in the back of my head not far from my ear.

I quietly crawled up the stairs, losing a lot of blood in the process. I was at their mercy, none of which they had to give. They make me clean my own wounds and wallow in my pool of self pity.

My breath was heavy and I felt ready to pass out. I tried to get to the bathroom, but my wounds were to much to bear. All I remember before I left this god forsaken world, was the familiar scent of blood and the feel of pain well up like two puddles in the middle of my chest.

* * *

Everything was dark, except for a light illuminating my body like a spot light. It didn't seem like a dark room. In fact, it didn't seem like I was anywhere. I didn't feel any pain. I felt light and airy like I could fly.

"Dear child who has endured pain until the end, you are safe." an odd voice echoed. It was like a velvety void. I was silent and too afraid to speak.

"You have gone through so much…I think…I'll give you another chance.

And again I black out.

* * *

I felt a cool sensation on my forehead. Is this what it's like to be dead. I cautiously opened my eyes to a beautiful man with red eyes and raven black hair.

"Oh," he said sitting up, "Your awake." I quickly sat up from the barrage of pillows I had been lain on. I moaned in pain as my vision swam and my head felt as if it were on fire.

"You should lay down and rest. You have a terrible fever." I sighed in defeat. I took in my surroundings. The bed was made of beautiful, dark cherry wood and a veneer finish, the white, velvet curtains blocked the light from the ornate glass windows. In short, it was the most beautiful room I have ever seen. It was better than my cold moldy attic and tiny futon that grew old with age.

"Where am I?" I asked with wonder and confusion. The dark haired man, who I realized was a butler, smirked in amusement.

"This, is the Phantomhive estate."


	3. Authors note 1

Hey guys! That was the first chapter! I will post a new one, but only if I get feedback from you!

Enjoy your life as you grow old reading fan fiction and don't ever change! (Seriously don't.) Even if your beautiful castle wilts away, and your subjects turn against you, don't stop writing and reading! Whether it be fan fiction, non-fiction, and whatever type of fiction that your into. Express your creativeness through writing, painting, singing, dancing, juggling a thousand midgets! Do it. But murderers, please don't. We already know that reality exist through sickness and other ways of dying.

Even if you're a flamer keep criticizing people! It's your job to make sure people get better in the sense of writing even if you don't get paid!(Which I think you should!)

Just the fact that you took the time to read this awkwardly long message brings a smile to my face. When shit makes my days even shittier, I look at the reviews I have and I smile.( I had previous stories that I deleted because of personal reasons for those of you that know me.)

Yes, I know its pathetic but its what makes me happy and other peoples pointless opinions won't get in the way of that!

So thank you audience for taking the time out of your boring schedules to read this surprisingly long and hopeful letter.

Loves and baby unicorns to all!

ZanRan


	4. Authors note 2

Greetings from Kuai Hawaii! Im currently enjoying the sun ocean and roosters. Thats right we have a rooster! His Name is Hilo Mele.

Anyway...

Whats the whether like where you are? Here it rains for like two minutes then it gets all sunny and hot. Sorry for not updating soon. The internet from the Resort made me feel Here's the new chapter Enjoy!


	5. CHAPTER 2: By Any Means Nessescary

Chapter Two: By any means nesscesary

* * *

I couldn't believe it! The Phantomhive mansion? I thought it was just a myth. It became a cartoon, but it was never real. It wasn't supposed to be real. But somehow...It was...

I stared at the butler in disbelief. "Your kidding me, right?"

"I kid you not," He replied with a closed eyed smile, "Our staff and I have been treating you for two days."

I sighed. This didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. I should be dead, my parents should have killed me. Maybe I was still alive and having a very nice dream.

I vigorously started pinching and slapping my clear pale arms. Wait. Their clear. All my wounds are gone!

"If you don't mind me asking miss, what exactly are you doing?"

"My wounds, my cuts. There gone!" I replied excitedly.

The butler raised one eyebrow skeptically. He didn't believe me. "I used to have scars." I started,"They ran from the top of my head down to my toes." I swore his eyebrows rose above his hairline.

"Well, you are safe here miss..."

"Oh! My name is Hudson Kinstly." I prodded slowly sitting up on the soft, Egyptian cotton sheets. "What is your name?" I asked.

"My name is Sabastian Michaelis, I am the butler of this mansion, Miss Kinstly." His unnatural red eyes glowed magenta in the sunlight. It gave me shivers all the way to the nape of my neck. Honestly, I was scared, but I'd be dam ned before I let him know that.

"Is it...okay if I, you know...walk around?" I asked. I've never spoken this much before so my people skills weren't the best.

"I'd advise you to wait until your fever drops a few degrees." He instructed. I sighed in fustration. This was already feeling like a dream prison!(If that even possile!)

"But I feel pefectly fine," I whined, "and I can't stay here forever! I'll go mad." Sabastian smirked at my puppy eyes.

"Well until you get better, you will have to stay here." he replied. The amusement and sarcasm was present in his voice. I felt like toad bile with a sickly sweet smell.

"Don't get cheeky with me! I will find my way out by any means nesscesary!" I yelled. I felt my cheeks flare up with hot white rage. I basically just challanged a six foot, red eyed, probably trained in martial arts butler.

_'I'm screwed.'_ I thought to myself. I watched in fear and anxiety as the raven haired butler left the room. He was teasing me. "Game on Michaelis." I whisphered to myself. Yup...I'm fucking screwed.

* * *

~ .::~

* * *

It was about lunchtime, I think, when Sabastian finally came back to my room. Behind him was a boy dressed in nice 19th century attire.

He was the cutest boy I've ever seen! Not like cute as in attractive, but like a plushie. He was like a little pirate with his eyepatch and hair was a very dark navy blue, and his eye was as clear as the ocean on a clear day.

"Good afternoon, Miss Kinstly. My name is Ciel Phantomhive. I have a few questions for you." I nodded in understanding.

Sabastian pulled up a stool on which Ciel rudely sat on. He smirked at the young Earl but it was easy to see he was clearly annoyed. "Now, first question. What is your real name?" He aske quizzicaly, He was interrogating me. Must have thought I was a threat, but a threat to what?

I answered him by looking him straight in the eye. "Hudson Nicole Kinstly."

"Thats an...Interesting name for a woman." He replied. "Tell me Hudson, how did you end up in our backyard garden?"

By now, Sabastian had been indirectly circling me around the room like orey to punce on. I could see the malice in his eyes. "Well," I replied, "I can tell you what I remember." I replied. Ciel raised a conspicuous eyebrow at meas if to say 'Go on'.

"Well, I had, uh. I had fallen down the stairs, when I passed out." I said lying, "When I woke up, a voice or something had told me it would give me another chance. And after that, I woke up here."

The young boy nodded. Sabastian stopped circling me and cut into the conversation. "Excuse me, If I may interrupt young master." Ciel nodded. "When our staff found you, you had no blemishes or scars to begin with." replied Sabastian.

I blinked at his straightforwardness. "I'm surprised about that too. Honestly, I really don't know how I got here, or why my scars are gone. All I know is that I'm here, I have no home to go to, or any family around." I replied.

Ciel seemed to sigh in frustration, "You are such a terrible liar." He said glaring at me with his one good eye. He may hve been short, but the more he looked at me I felt like he was looking down on me. I felt it again...pain. I was like a small nick of a needle, but it was still raw pain.

I couldn't help it I snapped at them. "Please tell me what I'm lying about! Why don't you believe me?" I angrily stood up clutching my head like a mainiac. I felt like a caged animal who was going crazy.

"Well," Replied Ciel, "Falling down the stairs was an obvious lie, So I assumed the rest was also a lie." he replied.

I calmed down a little and sad upright on the bed. "Okay, maybe me and the stairs was a lie, but the rest was honestly true." I replied sadly. I didn't want to bring up my parents.

"Well," intruded Sabastian, "Why dodn't you tell us what happend?"

"I just don't feel...uh, whats the word? liable totell you guys. It's personal and I just don't feel like bringing it up." I replied. I looked at my pale fingers like they were the most interesting things in the world.

Ciel shot me another glare like a gun aimed at my heart. "It is my manor you are taking refuge in, my servants who are healing you. I think I deserve to know!" He yelled

Nothing but anger and rage flowed through me. I had never felt this way before. I felt so utterly and completely angry that I just wanted to wring his neck until he was horribly disfigured. I shot up and walked towards the vanity. I didn't even recognised myself in the mirror anymore. "Fine! You really want yo know! My parents beat me until I passed out dead! They bashed my head in with a wine gass and kicked me over," SLAM, "and over," SLAM,"and over again!" SLAM. "They let me trea my own wounds intil I couldn't take it anymore and I died!"

I started hyperventilating and tears of anguish rushed down my face. When I finally opened my eyes to look at their judging faces, both of thie eyes were widened in shock. Sabastian made a move to comfortme but I snatched away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, "You already got what you wanted. Why do you have to patronize me anymore than you already have?" I didn't wait for an answer as I turned and bursted through the door into the unknown,


	6. AN

Hello everyone! I am putting this story on hold because I have no idea what to do with this story anymore. If anyone wants this story to continue, please PM me and I will give you permission to copy and complete the story and also make changes to the story.

In short, I will allow you to own the whole story itself.

Please PM me and I will get to you when I can.


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